Yep! You’ve gotta admit, if you were around in the 70s and 80’s, the thing you remember most about your favorite sport was the crazy person or sports streaker running around in the duff being chased by Inspector Plod and then being led out of the arena with a Bobby Hat strategically placed over family jewels to the cheers of an inebriated audience.
Aaaaahhh! I can almost smell the beer!
Quite seriously though let’s take another look at the phenomenon.
Sport is all about entertainment – Streaking is entertainment FOR FREE!
Sport is all about keeping people awake – Who can sleep while counting dimples?
Sport should be about freedom to run and jump – All Streakers run, jumping can be dangerous!
Sport must be about moving as fast as you can – Run! Streaker! Run!
Sport applauds betting – I’ve got my money on at least one streaker escaping.
So What Exactly Is Streaking and can YOU Streak?
Streaking for a sports streaker is getting to the venue early and buying the first round. Every round after that is taken care of so you can get comfortably numb for a relatively small investment (You will need a bit more than small change to make ‘Curly Wig’ happy when you’re in the dock!).
As you prepare for your ‘Goose-bump Gambol’, you will need your co-conspirators to stir you up so you get the Mexican Wave underway and sing “Day O” at the top of your lungs
that you’re just about to let loose on the rest of the world.
The moment gets close.
You’re all set and you shuffle your way through the crowd down to the fence.
The fence somehow seems much higher than you remember in your pre-dawn nervous session.
What the heck! You’re going to jump and run, and run, and RUN!
Ohh! Nooo! You have to RUN!
Ohhh! Yesss! You have to run to make a pee – RIGHT NOW! Right This Instant!
So you go and come and your team looks dirty looks at you as if you’re the biggest ‘let down’ ever. As if they would have streaked if they were dared!
So you just stand there feeling like shite warmed up.
Then the Mexican Wave starts up – Someone howls ‘Day-O’ – The inhibitions take flight –
The beanie comes off – The shirt comes off – The jeans take a bit of work as they take the socks and underwear with ‘em – And you’re standing there all dressed in nipples and curlies and all you can see is that huge security guard tearing through the freshly cut grass looking like all their Christmases have come at once.
So you jump the fence (phew! That was close!) And you RUN.
You RUN and you TWIST and you TURN and you JUMP and you RUN! RUN! RUN!
You have never been this free and you’re loving every second of your new found freedom
So go and put a jumper on before you catch cold.
Now let’s stop talking about you for a while and go back to whether we think streaking is a good idea or not.
IS STREAKING GOOD FOR SPORTS?
These are the ‘Yes’ things about streaking –
Streakers Can’t Cheat.
Maybe a peg or two of moonshine but that slows you down doesn’t speed you up. Or does it screw you up and trip you over? Ahh! What the heck!
Streakers are Good for Memory Testing.
Yep! After the game all we talk about is how fast the streaker was, how slow the security guard was, how high they both jumped and how small the Coppers hat looked!
Nobody remembers the game!
Here are the ‘No’ thingies about streaking –
Streakers are unfortunately not usually available for the most boring sports.
The “Aye’s” have it so if you’re offended by nudity, you have our permission to remain fully dressed in your shower!!
